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As her mother had once abandoned her. With my mother as sunlight radiates through her apartment. All the therapists over the years working to help me remember, embrace, heal, transform such total abandonment by my own mother. Thirty years of the deep inner work of healing and awakening has prepared me for taking care of my mom at the end of her life, no matter how hard, toxic, painful. Three generations, and perhaps also ancestors long crossed over and there on the other side holding us all. Years passing without so much as a card or call or acknowledgement of my existence or that of her only grandchildren. I broke my stunned silence by looking at Ron and asking, "Did you hear that?

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Zariah. Age: 21.
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And then ask me to help her remember what happened.

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Cheyenne. Age: 29.
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Not being capable of saying the word love to me or about me. Back in Mom's lovely apartment now furnished with all her furniture and photographs and decorated with the fresh flowers I bring every week or two, Ron and Matt and I settle into our seats to stay with Mom a bit longer. And perhaps the ripples created through our awakening can at least be one part of making the impossible possible and in ways we can not begin to imagine. Not that there is any "fix" for well over 80 years of not attending to one's heart, of looking for love in all the wrong places, of not recognizing the consequences of unconscious choices around bitterness, of not making friends with our own shadow, our own suffering.

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